Dating after cancer diagnosis
And the fact that I was missing most of my right breast, not to mention my hair, made me feel inadequate, especially when I was surrounded by all the beautiful women in L. If you want to be friends, fine, but as far as anything else, I'm not feeling it."TAKING A RISK WITH A NEW MAN After about a year of celibacy, I met someone—I'll call him Steve—when I was out with my friends one night.By that time, I didn't look sickly, and I hadn't had a recurrence.I was out with a guy I'd seen a few times before—I'll call him Jake—and when we got back to his house, we started kissing. —but Jake made me feel it, and then I began to worry. The next day, Jake was adamant about my getting the lump checked, and I ended up seeing three different doctors, all of whom reassured me that at 30, I was too young to have breast cancer. Finally, after a suspicious ultrasound, one doctor ordered a biopsy.Soon, he ran his hand across my breast and all the action stopped. They also said that because my lump was tender to the touch, that it was unlikely to be cancer; breast cancer lumps aren't usually painful. Two days later, I learned that I had a very aggressive cancer, which yet more tests revealed had already spread to my spine and bones.So we ended it, and he helped me move back into my apartment. I got a great-looking long-haired wig, but I had to stick it on with double-sided tape, and removing it hurt—it peeled off my skin and left red welts. Guys would say, "I love your hair," and ask for my number, and I'd think, If you only knew. " Of course, when I went out without the wig, I got a different kind of attention, which is to say minimal.
Among other things, I can't have kids and I have a disfigured right breast. That statistically, I don't have long to live?
I was told I could never have children because the presence of estrogen in my body would feed the cancer.
I was devastated, and I still had breast surgery and radiation to get through. He stuck with me through the chemo, but I know the whole thing wore on him.
He started kissing my breast and being very nurturing.
Still, I dreaded getting naked in the light of day.