Dating a black guy
There are also times when I feel like my white partners are trying to overcompensate for their whiteness. Does it give them a sense of moral superiority around other white people, as if they are more progressive?They start social justice conversations, bringing up racism and homophobia almost as if they're trying to prove how down they are. Does it make them feel less guilty about gentrifying the neighborhood?But when I discussed my issue with friends, other queer men of color, they all said I have a type: white men.I tried to deny it, but when I thought about my dating history, I realized that my friends were right.He wrote, "As Black men, we need to value ourselves so much that no outside force, no prejudice — even one guised as preference — can make us feel second place." Clearly, this dialogue wasn’t only happening in my head.A larger conversation about the racist, fat-phobic, and misogynist language of gay dating apps has also begun, which has allowed me to see that my dating prospects may also be a result of problematic societal messaging.And when I scroll through Grindr’s grid of faceless torsos, I find myself only messaging guys with complexions lighter than a paper bag.
As a Black writer who writes about issues of race and culture, I can’t help but feel a certain sense of hypocrisy when it comes to my dating habits.Could we all be perpetuating internalized racism by consciously, or even unconsciously, excluding Black men and other men of color as romantic prospects?And in doing that, are we only reinforcing the politics of desire that deem Black people less attractive?I’m quickly approaching my 25th birthday and have come to the realization that I’ve never been in a long-term relationship. That's not uncommon among millennials, but as a Black gay man, I've begun to wonder how my race has affected my chances of finding love.I like to think of myself as someone who’s adventurous when it comes to love and sex, someone who’d never rule out potential partners or new experiences.I’ve received messages that said, "I love BBC," or "I never been with a Black guy before," or, on the opposite end of the "no Blacks" spectrum, I've seen white men who are "not into white guys, sorry."When I'm dating a white man, I occasionally feel like I need to confront the issue of race head-on and acknowledge the difference in life experiences between me and my partner.It can be frustrating, but also deeply enriching, to teach someone about my cultural upbringing.My childhood in the Black church led me to believe that Black people were inherently homophobic — a myth — and that the only Black men who were gay were on the down low or infected with HIV — also a myth.Within my own family, I had two gay uncles who died of AIDS-related illnesses before I was 10.When I finally came out in college, I was at a predominantly white school.Many queer folks were closeted, and of the few who were out, most of them were white.